As we age and grow, people enter and exit our lives continuously, and some brave souls stick around through it all. The right people are present always at the right time to love and be loved, support and be supported, and to learn and teach valuable life lessons.
Relationships are not always hunky dory, even the great ones, and learning to trust the tides and cycles is important.
My spiritual journey started years ago and my solid commitment to the journey continues. I did my best meandering through relationships before making a conscious decision to embark on the journey and those relationships are part of what brought about major transformation. My perception of that time now is completely different than my perception was then. I have learned many valuable life lessons along the way. Now, I seemingly find myself right back where I started but have died and been reborn many times along the way and it’s different. It’s different now.
One of the lessons I have learned is well encapsulated in the following words from the Dalai Lama:
At the end of the talk someone from the audience asked the Dalai Lama, “Why didn’t you fight back against the Chinese?” The Dalai Lama looked down, swung his feet just a bit, then looked back up and said with a gentle smile, “Well, war is obsolete, you know ” Then, after a few moments, his face grave, he said, “Of course the mind can rationalize
fighting back…but the heart, the heart would never understand. Then you would be divided in yourself, the heart and the mind, and the war would be inside you.”
What these words mean to me on a micro-scale is that back then, I rationalised my fears. My mind rationalised behaviours and responses based on fear. These fear-based behaviours and responses did not help situations and relationships. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was being fair and kind. Looking back, I realise that those fear-based responses hurt people, including myself. I was at war with myself.
I have learned that behaviours, responses, choices and decisions that are love-based will always have positive results. They will always be in the highest interest of the soul development of everyone involved. Behaviours, responses, choices and decisions that are fear-based, often seem ‘right’ in the moment but end up hurting people. So, how does one know if a choice is love-based or fear-based?
Well, this is certainly a process, one that I continue to learn. For me, the clarity sometimes happens immediately and at other times, it takes a while. The most important thing is to feel into it. I ask myself questions like, where do I feel the situation/question and the possible solution? Do I feel it in my gut? Do I feel it in my heart? Often times, if I feel it in my gut (solar plexus), it’s fear-based. If I feel it in my heart, it’s love-based. I have noticed that what’s right for me often defies logic. I can’t explain it, I simply feel it’s right for me. Through much patience, practice and growing awareness, I am learning to discern between these different feelings and emotions. I am learning to trust God on deeper levels every day.
Another lesson I have learned is that situations and their outcomes fall into alignment right after a choice is made. When faced with important decisions, I’ve noticed I had to first make the choice, often times not conceiving of a way the situation might work out but feeling in my heart that it is in alignment with my soul, with God. Then, the situation would simply work out effortlessly and I’d be left wondering how in the world that just happened. When in alignment with God, miracles happen all the time.
For years, I have struggled to maintain a healthy relationship with someone I love deeply. I have gone through phases of blame, taking responsibility, wracking my brains trying to figure things out, taking breaks with no communication, letting go, feeling numb, feeling angry, you name it. When I made the choice to shift my energy, to love unconditionally – myself and this person – and move beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing, God’s love shined through.
As Rumi says, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.”
This relationship has come around. I never thought, it my wildest dreams it ever would. But it did. It is. God’s love is all that’s needed and mountains will move. As Jesus said, “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”