Writhing about on my yoga mat for what seemed like an eternity was no fun at all. I simply did not have a choice. Something inside my being was trying to squirm its way out and I simply had to endure and accept this uncomfortable reality for a period of time until one day I woke up and it was gone.
A situation unfolded a few days before these three weeks that sent me into a tail spin. Unresolved feelings from my past surfaced and I soon realised I had to go deep within to work them out so that I could move forward. I did not know what forward actually entailed, but I knew I had to tackle this issue head on or it would stay with me. I cried a lot, writhed about, and ate and slept very little. I watched a movie a couple of times for some relief and also forced myself to leave the 350 sq ft carriage house, in which I was staying, to pick up a few groceries. That was about it. I kept wondering when the horrible hell was ever going to end.
I had been asking for support from Goddess, my angels and guides, animal totems and every entity I could think of and finally when I reached the tipping point, it all released. The process was out of my control and a force from beyond took over. I started doing yoga one day and the force started working its way through my being. I did not know what was happening to me but I resigned to the process. Exhausted after these episodes, I would crawl into bed, sleep for a while and wake up finding myself – my body – doing the exact same thing all over again. I kept thinking to myself: ‘What in the world is happening here? This is freaking insane!’
Because these unhealthy and negative feelings were so engrained, I did not notice them. Once the triggering situation happened and I went through this process of allowing the feelings to rise and leave, I realised they had been such a huge part of my experience and my past. After hours and weeks of agony, I started to feel a little better and a little better until I woke up and it was gone. Light entered my being in a way that I had never previously experienced.
By allowing these negative feelings to leave, I had created space for what was to come.